MENTOR PERSPECTIVES
Brittany and Marie
Mentor: Brittany Gonzalez
Age: 33 years
Occupation: Director of Marketing
Student: Marie
Age: 17 years
High School Student
Mentor Brittany and her student Marie sit along the steps of the library in Ohio City.
Q: How has your relationship with your student progressed over time?
A: Like any relationship, it takes time to build trust and friendship. With younger children that happens so much faster, and sometimes instantly, as kids just want attention and someone to play with. With teenagers, all teenagers (regardless of where they are from), there’s an initial hesitation, a skepticism. Here’s this stranger (me!) showing up to their house asking them to do homework. I started off as a tutor, but with time, we’ve developed a friendship. We talk about school, goals, friends, family, and frustrations. We watch YouTube videos and have dance parties in the living room that almost always involve their mother. I genuinely feel like I’m welcomed as part of the family. And what that means is that they trust me. That doesn’t happen overnight. That adds up, week after week.
Q: Walk us through a typical mentoring session. What do those two hours look like?
A: The first 30 minutes are normally spent greeting and catching up, trying to get organized, focused and find the space to work. We usually spend 45 minutes or so doing actual work, whether that’s reading, journaling, going through homework, paperwork, etc. And then we always end with just hanging out. So this is our time for YouTube, Snapchat, showing them pictures of my travels, family, etc. The final thirty minutes are always my favorite. That’s when they are most relaxed and communicative which allows me to share little nuggets of wisdom, encouragement, confidence, etc. It is in this time friendship and trust is built.
Q: In what way do you feel you have made the most impact in the life of your mentee?
A: Academically, it’s yet to be seen. It’s still early and she has a long way to go. My mentee was born and raised in a refugee camp until she was 14 years old. So to be thrust into a US school system with very little English comprehension is an uphill battle, one that she must overcome and persist through every single day. My ultimate hope is that she graduates high school one day and that I somehow contributed to that accomplishment. I hope that through our time together Marie has found confidence, inspiration, curiosity, and passion. I genuinely believe that Marie knows I’m advocating on her behalf and that I’m championing her and challenging her to be the very best she can be, as a student and as a young woman. If that makes an impact in her life, then this entire experience has been a success.
Q: Describe the home environment where you mentor. What have you found challenging or beneficial about meeting your student in that space?
A: I shared a bit of this above in a previous question, but the home environment is very hectic. There are eight children in a two-bedroom home that is congested with people, noise, and activity at all times. The biggest challenge is that my mentee assumes a motherly role within the framework of the family and is often pulled in different directions to care for the other children. The biggest challenge is finding privacy, quiet space and focus. The greatest benefit is building relationships with the family as a whole and the context it provides for tailoring our time together. The home environment doesn’t phase me as much now as it did in the initial month or two. It reminds me of my own childhood home (five siblings and foster kids). There’s a familiarity and understanding to it all.
Q: What have you learned about your student’s culture, and the refugee experience in general through your interaction with this family?
A: What I’ve learned about the student’s culture: How strong the family unit is. How much they rely on one another and have this tight-knit community within the four walls of their home. They are so resilient, faith-filled and extremely grateful for every hour, gift, hug, or conversation shared with them.
What I’ve learned about the refugee experience: The sharp contrast of the life they have now and the life they had in the years in Africa. When the kids draw pictures of their old “house” and how they would cook and gather water and the fields in which their family’s worked, it’s such incredible perspective. It’s a powerful piece of their story and their narrative, and I hope they continue to share that with other people as life unfolds for them here.
Q: Describe one of the most memorable moments from your mentoring this year.
A: We threw the family a Christmas party this year and it was such a highlight of this whole experience so far. All the mentors came together at the house to string lights, decorate a tree, exchange gifts, sing, and dance with all the kids. Every piece of it was the greatest moment for them. They were so grateful and so full of light and love that night.
Q: How has mentoring with The Refugee Response impacted you personally? Why should others get involved?
A: I always tell people that they do more for me than I could ever do for them. Through them I’ve learned and practiced resiliency, empathy, patience, and commitment. I would encourage others to get involved because it truly opens up your worldview. It will allow you to see outside yourself and also inside yourself in new ways. It will challenge you to be a better you. And it will give you the opportunity to make a real difference in a child’s life.
Q: Describe what it was like when you first started working with your student? What were your biggest challenges or surprises at the time?
A: My student, Marie, 17, is the second oldest child in a house of eight children. In many ways she assumes the role of a second mother and is responsible for looking after the younger ones, often cooking, cleaning and disciplining.Because of this, when we first started working together it was difficult to truly get one-on-one time with her to begin building a relationship. So to get around this, I would invite the youngest children to join us, giving them books and projects to occupy them, while I spent time talking to Marie. In many ways, I ended up inheriting three students and each week would come prepared to juggle my time. I’ve learned that they are a packaged deal and although it’s difficult at times, there’s enough love and attention to go around. I’ll never shut one or more of the siblings out just because I’m ‘assigned’ to a specific one. I believe we have the opportunity to make a difference in their lives. I’m grateful for the relationship I’ve built over time with each of them. There’s never a dull moment when I walk in their door.